Address to a BUTTCRACK Nation.

By | October 17, 2012

In honor of tonight’s debate…

Ladies and Gentlemen of this great nation.  We have become a BUTTCRACK nation.  Pants have become skinnier and the rise of our jeans has become lower and lower.  We stood by as the muffin tops have multiplied.  We stood by as plumber’s crack spread to all vocations.  Is this the kind of nation we want?  Clearly something has to be done.  My opponent would tell you the solution to this problem is concealment.  Coveralls, dickies and long t-shirts only mask the problem.  We all know that hiding a problem does not solve that problem.  We are not a nation that hides from its problems.  We are a nation that faces our problems head on in a frank matter of fact way.  So here is what I propose we do: 

We have to celebrate even glorify the BUTTCRACK.  We must take to the streets, to our local bars, restaurants, churches and workplaces.  We will carry the reminders emblazoned on our chests and lower backs.  A reminder to all our BUTTCRACK friends that they may want to check their own exposure.  However that is not all we are going to do.  We will take to the trails and to the roads wearing the same reminders.  Roadies and mountainbikers will be united in a clear message.  ‘Hey! Check your BUTTCRACK!’  and, ‘Get on your bike!’  We as a nation can fight this problem together.  If we do this, soon the only people with real plumber’s crack will be plumbers. 

CYCLEBUTTCRACK thanks you for your support.